Today I saw this girl that I go to/went to college with and she looked at me like I was a fucking delinquent.
And I looked at her like
Uh uh bitch I KNOW you did not just give me that nasty ass look, I got jokes bitch and my shirt is brighter than the sun
TAKE THAT
Thinking about it Jon, but I ain’t the brightest bulb in the bunch. Top next week?
This kid that I used to date is dating this girl that ACTUALLY looks like THE DEVIL, I’m not using the devil to reference that she is unattractive or even a mean girl, I’m just saying that if Satan transformed into a person IT WOULD BE HER.
Poor little Turkish girl, nobody wants to watch Nazi docs with me
You know what scares the shit out of me? God damn Afghanistan. And it’s not cause of those crazy mofuckin’ Muslims, because Allah knows I live with them and kind of am one myself, but it’s the control and the women and the young boys and the desert sun and the police and Kabul that has me kissing American soil every day of my life. I want to travel so many places, especially Middle Eastern countries, but I’m so afraid that something horrific will happen to me and I won’t ever get to make love to an American flag again.
I got my parents to sit down and watch a movie with me, I put on a documentary about the Nuremberg Trials and it took my dad approximately 30 seconds to have a ‘talk’ with me about how he thinks I’m very “unique” and “special” but I am also twisted and we are not going to watch any Nazi docs in his free time because, “Who would vant to vatch somethin’ like dis?” The film was immediately turned off. Three documentaries later, it’s 2am and my mom and I are weeping about Afghan boys getting raped in women’s clothing.
So yeah, I think I’m adding “make love on top of an American flag” to my bucket list.
I’m going to throw myself off the roof.
If I can figure out how to climb up there.
The other day at work I was helping a little old white lady in the box office and she dropped a bunch of change all over the floor. A little hispanic boy part of a large annoying family was watching and ran over to start picking all the coins up for her. I was already in awe until a large black man waiting in line witnessing the situation bent down, held the boy by the shoulders, and said “Good job, son,” and my jaw was literally wide open and somewhere 4 hours away a solitary tear rolled down Barack Obama’s cheek and he said “We did it, guys.”
Oh my GOD. Is it sad that I actually just reconsidered attending my dream school this fall in order to obtain a Storytelling degree at a predominantly African-American school…
When all of floor staff at Rave was behind in cleaning theaters because we were all gathered around listening to me tell stories about the history of missing children, Chernobyl, and the origins of urban legends, I thought for a second that maybe I could take a History minor when I transfer schools. But then I remembered that I’m stupid…
I just watched a documentary on Dr. Burzynski and his cancer research (I tend to avoid docs like this because they’re completely biased and one-sided) but it was really good and scared the god damn shit out of me, I’m hiding under my covers until work where cancer and the FDA can’t find me.
Also, if anyone is actually interested in the Chernobyl disaster, don’t waste your money seeing Chernobyl Diaries (mind you I’m saying this and I see movies for free). I don’t know much about Ukraine at all but as a regular human being I was deeply offended by the fact that filmakers took a huge disaster only a couple decades old and made a horror film about it, and went so far as to suggest that mutated people of Pripyat have escaped a hospital (where Soviets were testing them?) and have gone so far as to resort to cannibalism…
I am going to make a horror film called “The Holocaust Diaries” and it’s going to be a much of radiated Jews eating each other.
